Bai

End of Line.

Taxes, Steaks, and Weight

Left work early to go to the house to ready it for another showing. We shaved $10k off the asking price so hopefully we'll get a bite soon. Hopefully.

During the showing we went out to dinner. Outback Steakhouse. I hadn't been there since high school, maybe college. Unfamiliar with the menu I decided to go with a 6 oz. steak. I mean, the restaurant has the name "steak" in it so I figured it should be a decent piece of meat, right?

Nay. It was a poor cut. It wasn't cooked to my expectations. And it just didn't taste good. Granted, my steak eating is few and far between (the last steak I ate was in New York last year - the one before that was in Amsterdam in 2002). But I know what I like and this pitiful slab of meat just wasn't cutting it. I obviously recommend against the steak.

Went back to Hatler and finished up the taxes. We were already on target to get a decent return. But after inputting charitable donations and noting a loss for my business our return went from respectable to desired. Yay for TurboTax!

So let's talk about this weight of mine. Resolution numero uno stated that I was to keep it under 170 lbs. And yet my weight has steadily been on the rise. Living at home is not helping. Besides having nightly dinners ready for me I also get big boy breakfasts fixed on the weekends. Then there are the sweets - cookies, cakes, ice cream. I'm snacking late at night again and that is simply no good - sweets and chips and snack mix. Eating out everyday at work is also detrimental. I've got to get this eating of mine under control. I assume that the running I will hopefully get going will help offset some of the calories I'm throwing into my bee-bo. Fingers crossed!

W: 175.4(!!!) lbs. | O: 2 flosses, 35 brushes| P: 55.41% (Visa), 51.15% (MC), 22.90% (BoA) | R: 2.4 miles

Weekend Update

Blew off my bank meeting, as earlier reported. Had McDonald's breakfast at Hatler. Did a little painting. Did a little moving. Did a little taxing (our W2s are in hand and I'm itching to get going on the return). Did a little hanging. Went home and showered. Stopped by Toys'R'Us. That place is a madhouse. Picked up the bubble spouting Octopus for bath time. It's a fave (and unfortunately is surprisingly water irresistant [yes, I just made that word up] for being a bath time toy). Ate some yummy dinner (Mmmmmm!). Watched the Cards play Seton Hall. OMG! What about that second half?!? Total lapse. Suspense. Intense. Build up. Ahhhhhhhh. We eventually got ourselves back together. Tomorrow is a new day.

Woke up late on Sunday. Ate a yummy breakfast. The kiddos came over. I got my lazy butt off the couch and went for a run. I know, right?! The wind was stiff. The air was chilly. My legs hated me. I came home and pretty much gorged myself 'til I passed out. Woke up and showered. Helped around the house. Switched out some light bulbs. Messed with an outlet. Fixed a drawer. Ate some leftovers. Folded some laundry. Crushed some cookies. Watched a movie. Relaxing night - very much needed. Wish they could all be like that.

W: 173.6 lbs. | O: 1 flosses, 34 brushes| P: 55.41% (Visa), 51.15% (MC), 22.90% (BoA) | R: 2.4 miles

Bad :( Different :|

Bad news. Bad deadlines. Bad workload. Bad hangover. Bad week.

This week hasn't been as bad as I let on. Yes, some bad news was discussed today. I cannot deny that. But other things haven't been so bad as things have been different.

Things have been different.

What do I mean by that?

It's, like, I'm just realizing how much things aren't the same anymore. And I'm not talking about the obvious stuff. Duh! The major changes in my life are always there. I'm talking about the small changes - the mundane changes - that are just different.

I don't go to my celebrity gossip sites any longer. No What Would Tyler Durden Do. No The Superficial. No I Don't Like You In That Way. I still read Ain't It Cool but not daily.

I don't play City of Heroes any longer. I can't explain this. I purchased a year membership. I dropped $100 on in-game credits. I've kept in loose touch with Ger, Toes, Thundarr, and Ms. Kactus. I sat down tonight to play and I only got as far as the login page. So close!

I don't watch my shows. No Grey's Anatomy. No Community (I hate that it got cancelled). No House. No Walking Dead (February 12th, are you here yet?).

I don't play soccer (Do I want to?). I don't skate (I want to). I don't run (I want to).

I don't bring lunch to work. Just stopped. Not even leftovers.

I don't paint. This is killing me.

I don't own a game system. No Wii. No Xbox 360. Gawd forbid a PS3! For the first time in... wow... since 1987... in 24 years I have not owned and regularly play a game console.  :o  This. Is. Seewius.

I don't respond to personal emails. I just haven't really given my email account any lovin' in months. Over 1000 emails unread... and these are all good ones that survived the Unsubscribe Purge of August 2011.

I don't get up at the crack of dawn anymore. My body just decided to stop waking up on its own at 7:20am. I'll regularly wake up a few minutes after 8am. May sound like a small difference but it messes with me a bit.

I don't get inspired. My comic idea is shot. Any space here at the house that would be suitable for painting is unsuitable. Period. I can't paint something beautiful when I'm constrained in a corner of a spare room like some antique afterthought.

I don't blog everyday. I have no New Year's Resolution holding me to it. Why bother? I do miss it. I feel like it helps me process the days.

It has been kind of a bad week too. Work has been sucking me like Penelope. I forgot to call the Radon people. I lost my car payment book (and missed my first car payment... winner != me). My buddy was sick and I hate that for him. The aforementioned bad news. I'm going to *not* go to the bank tomorrow and meet with Tom... I'm just done with this bad different week.

W: 173.6 lbs. | O: 1 flosses, 32 brushes| P: 55.41% (Visa), 51.15% (MC), 22.90% (BoA) | R: 0 miles

A Night To Forget

Whoah boy. Yesterday...

Skyline for lunch. Hard day at work. Going away party for Karen. Against the Grain. Sergio's. Rachel's. Woke up on my cousin's floor with a cat standing on me at 8:09am.

Good gawd lawd almighty I am feeling like that black scum that "grows" under your mouse.

W: 173.6 lbs. | O: 1 flosses, 30 brushes| P: 55.41% (Visa), 51.15% (MC), 22.90% (BoA) | R: 0 miles

A Day To Remember

So I've been playing a lot on my iPhone. I started out with Plants vs. Zombies. That was fun. Moved on to Battleheart and Zombieville USA. Then I started putting time into Risk and Heroes vs. Monsters. Even though I've recently picked up Words and Hanging, I put in a lot of time with Risk.

So this game I started Friday was coming to an end, and not in my favor. As is an accepted tactic, I began the game with Australia and slowly crept over Asia, making surgical strikes along the way. This game was no different than others I've played. Only a few strokes of luck and/or misfortune had me in a predicament.

Let me set the scene. It was down to me and two other players. I begin every game against 5 Hard computer opponents. I lose rarely but when I do it is only against this onslaught. Anyway, Red Army had North America and bits of Europe. Blue Army had South America, Africa, and the other bits of Europe. I had Australia and Asia.

The computer opponents really flip out when Asia is taken. I thought I was prepared for their seven nation army strike. I was wrong. Blue Army broke my Western front and overtook Australia. Red Army marched all over Asia from Europe. By the time my turn rolled around I was relegated to northeastern Asian territories.

I wanted to quit. I had never come back from odds of this nature. Not even close. But I wanted to see who would dominate, Red or Blue. So I turtled up and just passed up turn after turn, slowly growing my army and staying put while the world war raged on around me. Red Army gained the upper hand. Blue Army gained the upper hand. It was a tit-for-tat battle. All the while, Orange Army (me!) was building up.

I made my move. Took over northeast North America. And continued to turtle. Red Army took over Europe. Asia was a broken mess. Blue Army was leading pretty handedly but couldn't muster the might to take down either Red Army or me.

Over time I spread out across North America, reaching into Europe, Asia, and South America. South America was soon taken and I dipped my might into Africa. Then Asia. Red Army dead. Blue Army dead. Orange Army FTW!

Remember when I claimed I'm a fucking general in iPhone Risk? While that claim sums up what I believe to signify my skill at the game, it turns out that wasn't entirely true. However, with this being my 20th win, I am now, in fact, a fucking General.

W: 173.6 lbs. | O: 1 flosses, 27 brushes| P: 55.41% (Visa), 51.15% (MC), 22.90% (BoA) | R: 0 miles

Shoe Shopping Sunday

Went shoe shopping today at Oxmoor. I was looking for two pairs of new dress shoes, a brown pair and a black pair. The criteria I was working with seemed simple enough: I want shoes with laces, I want shoes with a square toe, and I want shoes with a hard sole (I like people to hear when I'm coming). Easy, right?

Brrrt. Wrong. After three hours I left with zero pairs of shoes - completely empty-handed in fact. I did manage to get some lunch in me. And I saw my friend Casey. And I saw the scowling pharmacist shopping with her mother (still scowling). And I saw my old co-worker Rex jogging on my way there. Fun day - just no shoes.

W: 173.6 lbs. | O: 1 flosses, 26 brushes| P: 55.41% (Visa), 51.15% (MC), 22.90% (BoA) | R: 0 miles

It's 5:30 pm and I'm still in my comfy cozies...

Slept in. Breakfast consisted of pamcakes and bacon. Watched Mastermind. Cute movie. Emma's fever broke so she and Melisssss went home. Logged on and worked for a short while. Watched TRON: Legacy. Ate bean & chorizo soup for lunch. Watched hockey. Played Words and Hanging and Risk on the iPhone. Did some laundry. Watched more hockey. Brushed and flossed.

What will the evening have in store for me?

Hockey? Ugh. Lazy? Maybe. Shower? Perhaps. Fun? Of course.

W: 173.6 lbs. | O: 1 flosses, 25 brushes| P: 55.41% (Visa), 51.15% (MC), 22.90% (BoA) | R: 0 miles

From Moody Judy to Happy Pappy

I was such a little whiny bitch yesterday. Nothing seemed to be going right. I was just in a turd of a mood. And I wasn't hiding it all too well. Sorry if you were around me. I know I was being a little bitch. Forgive me?

Today, for whatever reason, I woke up pretty much feeling exactly the opposite of how I felt yesterday. I woke up happy. I went to work happy. And I stayed happy all day. Work was good. Blueberry muffins for breakfast! Cafe Mimosa for lunch! Ran over to the house to get it ready for a showing. That went well. Relaxed after that with loved ones. Plenty of good feeling doing that, duh! Had some kick-ass pizza for dinner (tomato, green pepper, jalapeno, chicken, extra cheese... yes please!). Watched some silly TV snuggled on the couch. Melisssss spent the night 'cause Emma has been sick with the flu all week and it was a blast hanging out with her. We stayed up late watching Jackass 3.

Side note: I fucking love my car. Long story short, I had to pass some assholes in a quick-like manner on the expressway on the way home. I swerved, smashed the gas, and watched idiots fade behind me in my rear view mirror. I looked down at my speedometer... 110 mph!!! I felt like I was going 55. Kick ass!

(Don't worry, I slowed down)

W: 174.2 lbs. | O: 0 flosses, 24 brushes| P: 55.41% (Visa), 51.15% (MC), 22.90% (BoA) | R: 0 miles

Bai Pandora

Got some bad news today. Pandora, the female bearded dragon, died while in the process of laying her third clutch of eggs. Will texted me. He says he isn't upset. Maybe he isn't. I am :(

One of my many roles as zookeeper was to keep the dragons healthy, including but not limited to dicing and providing fresh red peppers, feeding them crickets, sprinkling calcium over aforementioned crickets, spraying them with water, filling the aforementioned spray bottle with vitamin-fortified solution, cleaning their stank-ass poop, turning on their lights, turning off their lights, and changing out their sand (actually crushed walnut shells). I don't want to ponder what could've/should've/would've happened had the dragons still been under my care. Her passing just makes me sad.

Just another reminder of how so many facets of my life are changing.

W: 174.2 lbs. | O: 0 flosses, 23 brushes| P: 55.41% (Visa), 51.15% (MC), 22.90% (BoA) | R: 0 miles

Bad News Day Tuesday

What a garbage day yesterday.

Tornado touched down. Bad news. Bad fucking news. Stupid sql queries. Bad news. Email about a house in the neighborhood. Bad news. Couldn't find problem with the car. Bad news (no charge - good news). Action Jackson is puking and coughing. Bad news. Emma perhaps has the flu and is spending the night. (Hopefully *not*) bad news. I've put on 5 pounds from eating fudge since last week. Bad news. I am totally demotivated. Bad news.

No more bad news! Give me a break.

W: 174.2 lbs. | O: 0 flosses, 20 brushes| P: 55.41% (Visa), 51.15% (MC), 22.90% (BoA) | R: 0 miles

It's some kind of "dis" word...

I have this feeling. I'm not sure what it is. But I'm pretty sure it's a "dis" word.

Disassociated? Yes, but it's more than that. Distant? In a way. Discomfort? At times. Dissatisfied? Of course, but who can blame me at this point. Dishonest? No, I've been quite up front with people. Disadvantaged? Not really, although I rarely feel as if I have any upper-hand. Disengaged? Totally - I am in a rut and completely uninspired but it is still more than that. Dystopian (I know, that's a cheat)? It certainly can feel like that at times but no, that's too much. Disconnected? I *do* feel mostly like this - like I can't relate to anyone right now, but there is more to it than just this. Disillusioned? Perhaps, in one way or another. Dissed? Yep, but more than just that. Discombobulated?

Discombobulated. That's it. Confused. Check. Upset. Check. Frustrated. Check.

I knew it was a "dis" word.

W: 174.2 lbs. | O: 0 flosses, 19 brushes| P: 54.81% (Visa), 51.15% (MC), 22.05% (BoA) | R: 0 miles

Cautiously Optimistic

It's been a tough week.

Lows.
Highs.
Doldrums.
Outbursts.
Wins.
Losses.
Magical.
Mundane.

This week has literally been all over the place.

I'm not certain what I can/will/shall blog about from the last few days. Suffice to say, some things are very personal, some things bear no mentioning, and some things are best left unsaid.

I have been through some sh!t recently. Multi-faceted sh!t. Multi-angular sh!t. Trigonometric hyperbolic paraboloid sh!t. I'm in it. I'm still going through it. But there is a little hope somewhere deep down inside of me that I've reached the middle of it and that, at some point soon, I will be making my way out of this storm. I am cautiously optimistic that this is the case.

With all of that (un)said, here is the 2012 version of my resolution tracker...

W: 169.8 lbs. | O: 0 flosses, 15 brushes| P: 54.81% (Visa), 51.15% (MC), 22.05% (BoA) | R: 0 miles

New Year's Eve

No, not the movie New Year's Eve (although that looks like a cute movie... kik) - I'm talking New Year's Eve Resolutions for 2012.

I was asleep on the couch for New Year's Eve. No party. No smooch. No resolutions. Not even a drop to drink. One of those can be remedied right nao.

As is sometimes the case, whether I ever voice this fact or not (outside of my inner monologue and me), I will assign a codename... to just about anything... for no good reason. I am calling this year's set of resolutions WOPR (Geek reference alert! That was the name of the military supercomputer at NORAD in the movie Wargames who nearly started World War III when all he really wanted to do was play a nice game of chess!). They seem pretty straightforward too:

Weight. Keep it under 170 lbs. I'll weigh in each Monday morning.

Oral hygiene. I'm bad at it. And my teeth are weaklings. I already brush everyday but I need to do more. Floss more. Mouthwash more (and not just use it on the rare occasion of substituting for brushing). Floss 100 times! Brush twice a day!

Pay off. Pay off the Visa. Pay off the Mastercard. Pay off the loan. Period.

Run. Run 500 miles. I grew up running and it is part of me. I enjoyed it when I ran over the summer. And I want to run a mini.

WOPR. Boom. There you go.

I'm back... to normal?

I've been "out" for a while. I'm back now.

In my time gone I didn't finish my movie quest. New Year's Eve came. I was asleep - passed out on the couch and only waking at 1:43am to go to to bed. New Year's Day came. Subjugated. Interrogated. Confiscated. Monday off from work. Sat on the same spot of the couch. All. Day. Long. Back to work Tuesday. Wednesday. Thursday. Friday. Appointments. Phone calls. Develop. Deploy. Terrified. Black-bagged. Dungeons. Shake off the malaise. Get my ass in gear to get the house ready for its MLS Listing. House is on the market as of this weekend... GO BUY IT!!! Modern Family is such a fantastic show! Spending time with friends is also faaantastic. I'm a fucking general in iPhone Risk. I suck at Words With Friends. I'm trying out Hangin' With Friends. First normal day for weeks at work. Productive. Is the Alert Generator Tool reaching a finishing point? I dare say I believe so. I've been tinkering on that tool for a looong time. Pushing it will be, to borrow the phrase, a big win. Picked up my stuff. Taped up? Srsly? Did Jimmy the Retard get left all alone in a room with my computers and a tape gun? For fuck's sake!

Are things returning to normal yet? That's a loaded question, mate.

Let's talk about normal. What is that?

In traditional terms I suppose I should own a home, have a spouse, make two and a half kids, own some pets, drive a car, be a good little Joe Consumer, work hard at a job, watch primetime television... I dunno... what else?

Relativistically, whatever I do, however odd or mundane, on a daily basis qualifies as normal. If I eat ahi tuna for every meal, every day, that would be a "normal" thing to me. So what is normal in that respect for me? Waking up and showering. The drive to work. (I'm not counting the work day since my work day/load can never really be predicted day-to-day) Monday and Thursday morning apprehension. Gumbo Wednesday. The drive home. Fucking around with the iPhone. Watching hockey ;) Heartache. Harassment. Hellacious.

I'm babbling.

I suppose I feel about as far away from the word normal as can be. I am the chaotic to lawful. I am the neutral to good or evil. I am the Bahamut to Tiamat. I am the natural 20 to the failed saving throw. I am the high-level, dual-classed Ranger/Magic-User - driven mad by the the howling gale of the Windswept Depths of Pandemomium - wandering through the shadow forest realm of the Queen of Air and Darkness and her Unseelie Court as I search in vain for the final piece of the Rod of Seven Parts. I am the fucking Wand of Wonder. (Those are some bomb-ass D&D references there - hope you appreciate them, Future Self).

'Bama just beat LSU for the national championship. Roll tide.