BIG day

There are so many things happening today. I can't even begin to go into any of them in detail. Here are some bullet points...

* Jooj turns 38 36 32 28!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY JOOJ!!!

* Kelsey gets her braces off today! I've never known her without braces. I'm so excited :)

* Genscape Biggest Loser winner is announced today. I had my final weigh-in and lost 5.8 pounds this week!!! Running on the treadmill in my garbage bag suit shed 3 pounds in 40 minutes. I went from 188.6 down to 164.2, losing 24.4 pounds or 12.94% overall in 12 weeks.

* Lala received her 1 year anniversary gift from Dillon (the 18" x 65" painting I just finished) and she loved it. I was so happy to see such a reaction from her. Dillon picked up some sweet souvenirs from Belize for me that are now prominently displayed in the living room. Here is to many more anniversaries you two!

* The big TV in the media room is giving us trouble. This isn't necessarily bad news because it may cost us as much to fix it as it would to replace it. Again, that is not necessarily bad news because a new TV is always something to get excited over (watching television *is* the new religion of the digital age, if you didn't already know that [but that is a topic in and of itself for another day])

* Lastly, and this actually happened yesterday, I saw the most amazing thing. I'll use a Dane Cook quote to lead into this one...

"Three weeks ago one of my dreams came true. I finally got to see something I always wanted to witness live. I finally saw someone get hit by a car... Nailed! "

I was in the parking lot of Kroger when this old guy started speed walking out of his car and past mine. Suddenly, the car next to me, driven by another old guy, shot backward and nailed this dude. The "victim" was lifted off the ground but quickly pivoted his hand against the trunk and pulled some kind of Dukes of Hazzard move where he just slid over the back of the car. And then, much to both mine and the other driver's amazement, the old speed walker just kept on trotting to Kroger. Amazing!

$6 in aisle 6

What would you do?

I went into Walgreens the other day to pick up a prescription for Jooj. I walked down aisle 6 (the big, middle aisle with all of the seasonal stuff... Easter candy in this case - YUM!). I saw a woman standing there and behind her I spied $6 on the ground.

"Ma'am," I said. "Is this yours?" And I pointed to the $6.

She said no. And so the conundrum began. Do I take it? Do I turn it in? I have a witness, and she will judge me (probably not, but this is what was going on in my head). I still stood there, wondering what to do. If I turn it in, what is going to keep the clerk from pocketing it? What to do?!?!

I picked it up and turned it in. The clerk gave me a strange look. And that strange look telegraphed "Why the hell are you giving this to me when you know that *I* and everyone else in this store would keep it, sucker?"

Karma, I guess. You know, what goes around comes around? I know that's not karma exactly, but whatever.

Work. Exercise. Kids. Paint. Sleep.

Rinse and repeat. I'm tired.

BTW, I saw where a single space after a period signifying the end of a sentence is now acceptable. Whatever happened to all the rules I had to learn in school. Sheesh!

Knock, knock. Who's there? Spring!!!

The first day of many more to come spent in the yard doing yard work was completed today. Extension cords were unravelled. The gas blower was assembled. Leaves were blown. Leaves were raked. Leaves were sucked. The dogs enjoyed their time out. The bird netting came off the pond. I fed the fish for the first time in ages. I disturbed Pandora's burminating again and fed both she and Perseus a double-dosing of yummy crickets.

The squirrel nest in the tree with the treehouse is no longer a squirrel nest, methinks. I'm not sure what type of raptor it may be, but some sort of bird of prey seems to have taken over that arboreal home. I'll keep an eye out to see if I can identify it.

Oh yeah, and I smelled my first skunk last night. Those rotten sons of bitches!

We spent the evening over at mom and dad's, along with Melissa and her family. They all had pizza for dinner. I had a turkey sandwich and lentils. Gawd, eight more days and this diet is **OVER**!

Ticking Time Bomb

I started the Heuser Clinic this week and, while I am hurting from the intense workouts, I must say that I am pleased to be able to get into the workout rhythm so effortlessly. I am sore, but I'm not dying. My first day was Monday and it was horrible. My second day was Wednesday and it wasn't that bad at all... and I really pushed myself.

My trainer is a guy by the name of Jonathan and he is really cool. He pushes me but also keeps me laughing. In fact, he even has a nickname for me - "Ticking Time Bomb". He calls me that because my heart monitor starts sounding alarms every time I push my heart rate passed the mid-160s.

I was talking with Mike today about Heuser and he wants to go when I do. I said sure. We talked a bit more about it and I mentioned the Ticking Time Bomb nickname. He instantly knew what I was talking about and said that Jonathan had even mentioned me. Hahahahahaha!

!=

Do you know what that means?

I use it everyday at work. I use it so much that I even think of what it means in Engrish when I use it. I'll give you a hint. It is something I type and it is not an emoticon. Give up?

It means "does not equal". If you are not a programmer there is no reason for you to know that. However, I am a programmer, and it is a very useful tool. And now you know it too.

Sins of a Solar Empire

Back in 2008, a video game came out (from Stardock, one of my favorite publishers) titled Sins of a Solar Empire. It was touted as a hybrid between an RTS (Real-time Strategy) game and a 4X (Explore. Expand. Exploit. Exterminate.) game - the first RT4X. It takes place in space across many planets and has elements of both types of game (more RTS than 4X). It received numerous game of the year awards. And it is very fun to play.

But as it goes, I played it and then moved onto another game. That's just the way it goes really. The game City of Heroes has been my poison of choice for over a year - easily the longest run of any game. But I'm losing a bit of interest in it and may be looking for a new game, if only temporarily.

So I've dusted off Sins of a Solar Empire and played it for about 30 minutes. It starts out slow, but I'm really excited to get back into it.

There is the chance, as I mentioned in my last post, for me to provide some graphics work for an update to an older game, Warlords IV (an old-school 4X). And I'm pretty excited about that. I need to get a move-on!

Updates

* Going out to dinner tonight and we're doing it on a week when the kids are with us. I believe that is a first (even though they are 16 and 13 at this point).

* Smokey the Cat (aka Toby) is still hobbling around on 3 legs. He went to his regular Vet on Friday and they are pleased to tell me that he'll pull through :)

* Saw Where the Wild Things Are with Jed, Vian, and the fam. Jed slept through the whole movie. I was enthralled. However, I can't imagine taking a small child to that movie. I'd be pissed. But I didn't, so I was delighted by it.

* Worked for more than 3 hours on the latest project with Will. This one is cool. We are making a diorama with popsicle sticks and plaster cloth and all kinds of other goodies.

* Happy Anniversary LaLa and Dillon! You two are so cute.

* Watched Halo: Legends with Will. There were a few shorts in there that were awesome! Some were weak. It made me want to play Halo again, which we did. And then we got bored :)

* The old gang from the Warlords IV forums contacted me and want me to resume my work on the icons for the 1.06 patch. I need to get back on that so I can be proud when I'm playing the game and see my artwork pop up. That'll be so cool! I don't know what I'ven't been more excited about that.

* I'm finally not hurting from my assessment with the Heuser Clinic on Wednesday. I'm excited about my first work-out on Monday but I'm also pretty much feeling a little of the opposite of "excited" too :P

TGIF

There aren't many times these days that I am so relieved it is Friday that I'm willing to thank Gawd for it. But after this week, with the drama and the late nights at work and the soreness and the cat and everything else... Thank Gawd It's Friday!

"We're on our way to the hospital..."

This was what I said to dad when I called him last night. I'm Quentin Tarantino'ing this story of course. So, it all began after a crazy stressful late-night day at work.

I came home after a very, very long day at work. I was hungry and just wanted to come home. I walked in the door and boiled a dozen eggs. I took the eggs off the oven and was rinsing them with cold water. Out of the corner of my eye I noticed Toby the cat kind of fall off the counter. I rolled my eyes over that clumsy cat. Just about that time I caught a whiff of something terrible. I looked across the room and noticed Toby limping. I scooped him up to comfort him and noticed the same smell coming from him. My brain quickly put everything together.

I called the vet hospital and rushed him over there. Yes, he had burned his paw. But it was fortunately not nearly as bad as it could have been. So we left there 90 minutes later. He was on pain killers and had a bandage boot on his foot. I came home in time to eat some boiled eggs and go to bed.

Sheesh!

Heuser Clinic - Day 0

Had my Heuser Clinic assessment this morning. Whew boy!

We started out with weight and measurements. I was in good shape there, thanks mostly to my calorie counting due to the Biggest Loser competition.

We next moved on to push-ups. I cranked out 22 before my arms just weren't going to work any longer.

Next on the list was sit-ups. I was pretty weak there. I did 25 and then 18 half sit-ups in 60 seconds.

Next was the endurance test. I ran 6 mph on an increasing incline. I ended after 7 minutes on grade 11.

My legs were wobbly and my head was light. I sat for a minute and had some water. Then after a few more minutes I walked to the office.

"I'm going to be sick," I told Peggy. She asked if I had eaten anything and I shook my head "No."

After some orange juice, a granola bar, and a tall bottle of Gatorade, I was back on my feet. But how embarrassing!

Still Losing...

I dropped another 1.6 lbs yesterday. That brings my total to a whopping 16.0 pounds lost. Yay for me!

(I'm so hungry)

The Bus Ticket Scheme... REALLY!?!

Bear with me on this...

Years ago, I went to Memphis, TN. While there I noticed that this place was packed with panhandlers. I think that Seattle has more homeless people (of the cities that I've personally visited), but Memphis has more people begging for money. Keep that in mind...

An old friend of mine, Shawn Morton, lived in Memphis while going to school. He told me a story about a guy that used to ask for money. Supposedly this guy was well dressed and carried a briefcase. He would ask would-be providers of money for a small amount of cash to bring the total amount of cash he had on-hand to purchase a ticket. This ticket would allow him to make a trip that, if I remember the story correctly, could get him to an important job interview or something or another. Anyway...

So Shawn sees this guy out at the bar one night on Beal Street. He says something like, "Hey man, aren't you the bus ticket dude?" The bus ticket dude acknowledges himself as such and freely admits that he actually makes good money on a daily basis (obviously, there is no job interview waiting for him) - in essence, panhandling. He was enjoying some drinks on Beal Street so I guess there is truth in what he says. Still with me? Tying it all together about now...

I walked out of the bank today and was pulling out the lot. A guy flagged me down. Now, I've been carjacked before and this is how it started. But I throw caution to the wind and roll down my window. The dude starts into his story...

"Blattity blah blah blattity blah blah blah blattity blattity blah blah blattity blattity blattity blah blah blah blah blah blattity blah blattity blah blah blatitty blah blah blattity blatitty blah blah blah blatitty blah..."

(I think I remember him saying something about a wrongful conviction or something. He spoke so fast. He was a machine!)

I interrupt him, "What do you want?"

"Blattity blah blah blattity blah blah blah blattity blattity blah blah blattity blattity blattity blah blah blah blah blah blattity blah blattity blah blah blatitty blah blah blattity blatitty blah blah blah blatitty blah..."

(This part had something to do with a baby mama and a kid and maybe even a job interview. So many words. And I don't know if I heard him take a breath or even use punctuation)

"What do you want?!" I interrupted again.

"Blattity blah blah blattity blah blah blah blattity blattity blah blah blattity blattity blattity blah blah blah blah blah blattity blah blattity blah blah blatitty blah blah blattity blatitty blah blah blah blatitty blah I need $49.50 for a bus ticket and I'm short $15"

Holy fucking shit! Did this guy just try and run the bus ticket scheme on me? Wow. I mean, WOW! I feel special :)

"I'm Ashamed I Listen to This"

That's the name of a playlist on my iTunes. It consists of some Lady Gaga, Britney Spears, and a track by Lady Sovereign. I not only feel like a dork listening to it, but I feel like a fool 'cause I actually enjoy it. I'ven't switched musical taste on anybody. And I'm not really listening to it and trying to memorize the words and stuff. It's more like background music.

Excuses, excuses... right? Gah!

New Dog Pen

Dad came over yesterday and we built a new "room" for the dogs in the basement. This one is much nicer than the pen they had before, which pretty much consisted of a few pieces of plywood tacked together. Dad and I framed it up quite nicely and even added a little door. Jooj was very, very impressed. And I must admit that it does look nice (and the basement looks pretty good on the whole).

In fact, it was so quick (and mostly painless) to put up, Jooj suggested that we build an actual room to store my Star Wars collection. Really? Her reasoning is that I've invested all of this money into it - why leave it out to get dusty and stuff? Yeah, Jooj why indeed? Golly, I *love* my wife :)

First Fish Fry of Lent

OMG, I love living in a Catholic family. I can't decide if I like it more for the fish fries or for the summer picnics (hmm, there is something fundamentally wrong with my view of things if the two reasons I enjoy a religion are solely based on food). We went to our first fish fry last night (I know, it's the 3rd week of Lent) down at St. Joseph's. Mom and dad joined Jooj and me. Pat and Carol took a timeout from their volunteer duties (Pat on drinks and Carol at the register [*not* the cake wheel this year... drats!]). Their friends Neil and Tina even joined us.

I'm sure it's not just the fish and fries and hushpuppies (and I can't blame it all on the Bud Light Limes) that make those fish fries so much fun. We just had a great, fun conversation. Smiles abounded.

We left, reeking of grease, as things were starting to wind down. Jooj and I stayed over at mom and dad's for a while and just chatted away. It's so rare that the two of us have mom and dad to ourselves. There were no grandkids to share them with. It was nice.

I cannot wait until next Friday. I'ven't had that much fun in a smokey cafeteria since, well, last year's fish fries!

The Double Contraction - I'ven't

Contractions are silly little things in our language. I could go Google or Wiki their origin, but I'm lazy. Years ago - many years ago at this point - I came up with my own contribution to the Engrish language. I called it the double contraction... I'ven't.

The word I'ven't isn't some tribal name of the Na'vi or anything. I'ven't simply means "I have not". Now, unless my Engrish teachers lied to me all those years ago, it is grammatically correct to supplant the "I have" in "I have not" with "I've" to make "I've not". Additionally, it is also grammatically correct to replace the "have not" in "I have not" with "haven't" to make "I haven't". So what I proposed all those years ago (and even insisted on using in everyday speech and in some papers in high school) is to take that extra step in language obfuscation and make the double contraction I'ven't.

Do you see I'ven't in your copy of Webster's? No. Obviously I failed since it never caught on. But why shouldn't it? Brevity seems to be all the rave these days. And we as a culture love our acronyms.

We can even use variations of I'ven't... we'ven't, they'ven't. Or how about I'mn't. I'ven't thought of that one before (SEE WHAT I DID THERE?!?! DID YOU? DID YOU?????????). Maybe even weird ones like she'sn't (although, admittedly, that sounds more like Snoop Dogg's slang for "shit"... as in, "da shiz-nit"). But I digress...

(that is to say, I digress from this blog post of a digression in the first place)

I am officially opening my vocabulary to the double contraction again. I will look for opportunities to insert it into everyday conversation. You will see it rear its ugly head on this very blog. Beware, the next fish fry I attend or family get-together may play victim to the double contraction. You've been warned!

I laughed and laughed (Will's txt)

Will texted this to me earlier...

"Hey IF you bring my ds can you also bring my axe choscolate and shapoo of your choice cause I need to smell good for the jewish party"

This is funny on so many levels. When did he turn into a little comedian? And when did he start growing up?

Funny kid.

Happy Birthday, Dr. Seuss!

I meant to blog this yesterday, but HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DR. SEUSS!

There is no reason to know this. However, my wife teaches children with special needs between grades K through 5th so yeah... she knows :)

Why does my wife watch this show??? UPDATE!

The Bachelor is the biggest idiot! If I remember correctly, the *last* Bachelor was the biggest idiot. Jeez, do they coach these guys to be bigger tools and make worse decision-making for women? I mean, C'MON! That one chick is really cute. He even admitted that he is emotionally in love with her (while being physically in love with the other one... dude, the show is called The Bachelor, not The Hook-up).

The other chick is a total hooker. I hope she rocks his world for a few sex-filled weeks, her herps flare up, he gets the blister, and then finds her in bed with his best friend. She's a Tallahassee road whore, dude. Good luck with that!

I didn't really blog much last month. Maybe I'll do what I did last June and blog everyday, no matter how insignificant or mundane.

"I'd like to get the last two hours of my life back from watching this crap, " is what Jooj just uttered. Amen, sister! AMEN!!!

UPDATE... Holy shit! I don't even watch the stupid show but the cast of the next season of "Dancing With the Stars" was announced and Kate Gosselin was announced as a contestant. Is the whole world gone insane? Can we stop feeding the attention whores and nut cases? I feel this quote from Will Ferrel's character, Mugatu, from Zoolander is required...

"I FEEL LIKE I'M TAKING CRAZY PILLS!"