I have this feeling. I'm not sure what it is. But I'm pretty sure it's a "dis" word.
Disassociated? Yes, but it's more than that. Distant? In a way. Discomfort? At times. Dissatisfied? Of course, but who can blame me at this point. Dishonest? No, I've been quite up front with people. Disadvantaged? Not really, although I rarely feel as if I have any upper-hand. Disengaged? Totally - I am in a rut and completely uninspired but it is still more than that. Dystopian (I know, that's a cheat)? It certainly can feel like that at times but no, that's too much. Disconnected? I *do* feel mostly like this - like I can't relate to anyone right now, but there is more to it than just this. Disillusioned? Perhaps, in one way or another. Dissed? Yep, but more than just that. Discombobulated?
Discombobulated. That's it. Confused. Check. Upset. Check. Frustrated. Check.
I knew it was a "dis" word.
W: 174.2 lbs. | O: 0 flosses, 19 brushes| P: 54.81% (Visa), 51.15% (MC), 22.05% (BoA) | R: 0 miles
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
Friday, January 13, 2012
Cautiously Optimistic
It's been a tough week.
Lows.
Highs.
Doldrums.
Outbursts.
Wins.
Losses.
Magical.
Mundane.
This week has literally been all over the place.
I'm not certain what I can/will/shall blog about from the last few days. Suffice to say, some things are very personal, some things bear no mentioning, and some things are best left unsaid.
I have been through some sh!t recently. Multi-faceted sh!t. Multi-angular sh!t. Trigonometric hyperbolic paraboloid sh!t. I'm in it. I'm still going through it. But there is a little hope somewhere deep down inside of me that I've reached the middle of it and that, at some point soon, I will be making my way out of this storm. I am cautiously optimistic that this is the case.
With all of that (un)said, here is the 2012 version of my resolution tracker...
W: 169.8 lbs. | O: 0 flosses, 15 brushes| P: 54.81% (Visa), 51.15% (MC), 22.05% (BoA) | R: 0 miles
Lows.
Highs.
Doldrums.
Outbursts.
Wins.
Losses.
Magical.
Mundane.
This week has literally been all over the place.
I'm not certain what I can/will/shall blog about from the last few days. Suffice to say, some things are very personal, some things bear no mentioning, and some things are best left unsaid.
I have been through some sh!t recently. Multi-faceted sh!t. Multi-angular sh!t. Trigonometric hyperbolic paraboloid sh!t. I'm in it. I'm still going through it. But there is a little hope somewhere deep down inside of me that I've reached the middle of it and that, at some point soon, I will be making my way out of this storm. I am cautiously optimistic that this is the case.
With all of that (un)said, here is the 2012 version of my resolution tracker...
W: 169.8 lbs. | O: 0 flosses, 15 brushes| P: 54.81% (Visa), 51.15% (MC), 22.05% (BoA) | R: 0 miles
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
New Year's Eve
No, not the movie New Year's Eve (although that looks like a cute movie... kik) - I'm talking New Year's Eve Resolutions for 2012.
I was asleep on the couch for New Year's Eve. No party. No smooch. No resolutions. Not even a drop to drink. One of those can be remedied right nao.
As is sometimes the case, whether I ever voice this fact or not (outside of my inner monologue and me), I will assign a codename... to just about anything... for no good reason. I am calling this year's set of resolutions WOPR (Geek reference alert! That was the name of the military supercomputer at NORAD in the movie Wargames who nearly started World War III when all he really wanted to do was play a nice game of chess!). They seem pretty straightforward too:
Weight. Keep it under 170 lbs. I'll weigh in each Monday morning.
Oral hygiene. I'm bad at it. And my teeth are weaklings. I already brush everyday but I need to do more. Floss more. Mouthwash more (and not just use it on the rare occasion of substituting for brushing). Floss 100 times! Brush twice a day!
Pay off. Pay off the Visa. Pay off the Mastercard. Pay off the loan. Period.
Run. Run 500 miles. I grew up running and it is part of me. I enjoyed it when I ran over the summer. And I want to run a mini.
WOPR. Boom. There you go.
I was asleep on the couch for New Year's Eve. No party. No smooch. No resolutions. Not even a drop to drink. One of those can be remedied right nao.
As is sometimes the case, whether I ever voice this fact or not (outside of my inner monologue and me), I will assign a codename... to just about anything... for no good reason. I am calling this year's set of resolutions WOPR (Geek reference alert! That was the name of the military supercomputer at NORAD in the movie Wargames who nearly started World War III when all he really wanted to do was play a nice game of chess!). They seem pretty straightforward too:
Weight. Keep it under 170 lbs. I'll weigh in each Monday morning.
Oral hygiene. I'm bad at it. And my teeth are weaklings. I already brush everyday but I need to do more. Floss more. Mouthwash more (and not just use it on the rare occasion of substituting for brushing). Floss 100 times! Brush twice a day!
Pay off. Pay off the Visa. Pay off the Mastercard. Pay off the loan. Period.
Run. Run 500 miles. I grew up running and it is part of me. I enjoyed it when I ran over the summer. And I want to run a mini.
WOPR. Boom. There you go.
Monday, January 9, 2012
I'm back... to normal?
I've been "out" for a while. I'm back now.
In my time gone I didn't finish my movie quest. New Year's Eve came. I was asleep - passed out on the couch and only waking at 1:43am to go to to bed. New Year's Day came. Subjugated. Interrogated. Confiscated. Monday off from work. Sat on the same spot of the couch. All. Day. Long. Back to work Tuesday. Wednesday. Thursday. Friday. Appointments. Phone calls. Develop. Deploy. Terrified. Black-bagged. Dungeons. Shake off the malaise. Get my ass in gear to get the house ready for its MLS Listing. House is on the market as of this weekend... GO BUY IT!!! Modern Family is such a fantastic show! Spending time with friends is also faaantastic. I'm a fucking general in iPhone Risk. I suck at Words With Friends. I'm trying out Hangin' With Friends. First normal day for weeks at work. Productive. Is the Alert Generator Tool reaching a finishing point? I dare say I believe so. I've been tinkering on that tool for a looong time. Pushing it will be, to borrow the phrase, a big win. Picked up my stuff. Taped up? Srsly? Did Jimmy the Retard get left all alone in a room with my computers and a tape gun? For fuck's sake!
Are things returning to normal yet? That's a loaded question, mate.
Let's talk about normal. What is that?
In traditional terms I suppose I should own a home, have a spouse, make two and a half kids, own some pets, drive a car, be a good little Joe Consumer, work hard at a job, watch primetime television... I dunno... what else?
Relativistically, whatever I do, however odd or mundane, on a daily basis qualifies as normal. If I eat ahi tuna for every meal, every day, that would be a "normal" thing to me. So what is normal in that respect for me? Waking up and showering. The drive to work. (I'm not counting the work day since my work day/load can never really be predicted day-to-day) Monday and Thursday morning apprehension. Gumbo Wednesday. The drive home. Fucking around with the iPhone. Watching hockey ;) Heartache. Harassment. Hellacious.
I'm babbling.
I suppose I feel about as far away from the word normal as can be. I am the chaotic to lawful. I am the neutral to good or evil. I am the Bahamut to Tiamat. I am the natural 20 to the failed saving throw. I am the high-level, dual-classed Ranger/Magic-User - driven mad by the the howling gale of the Windswept Depths of Pandemomium - wandering through the shadow forest realm of the Queen of Air and Darkness and her Unseelie Court as I search in vain for the final piece of the Rod of Seven Parts. I am the fucking Wand of Wonder. (Those are some bomb-ass D&D references there - hope you appreciate them, Future Self).
'Bama just beat LSU for the national championship. Roll tide.
In my time gone I didn't finish my movie quest. New Year's Eve came. I was asleep - passed out on the couch and only waking at 1:43am to go to to bed. New Year's Day came. Subjugated. Interrogated. Confiscated. Monday off from work. Sat on the same spot of the couch. All. Day. Long. Back to work Tuesday. Wednesday. Thursday. Friday. Appointments. Phone calls. Develop. Deploy. Terrified. Black-bagged. Dungeons. Shake off the malaise. Get my ass in gear to get the house ready for its MLS Listing. House is on the market as of this weekend... GO BUY IT!!! Modern Family is such a fantastic show! Spending time with friends is also faaantastic. I'm a fucking general in iPhone Risk. I suck at Words With Friends. I'm trying out Hangin' With Friends. First normal day for weeks at work. Productive. Is the Alert Generator Tool reaching a finishing point? I dare say I believe so. I've been tinkering on that tool for a looong time. Pushing it will be, to borrow the phrase, a big win. Picked up my stuff. Taped up? Srsly? Did Jimmy the Retard get left all alone in a room with my computers and a tape gun? For fuck's sake!
Are things returning to normal yet? That's a loaded question, mate.
Let's talk about normal. What is that?
In traditional terms I suppose I should own a home, have a spouse, make two and a half kids, own some pets, drive a car, be a good little Joe Consumer, work hard at a job, watch primetime television... I dunno... what else?
Relativistically, whatever I do, however odd or mundane, on a daily basis qualifies as normal. If I eat ahi tuna for every meal, every day, that would be a "normal" thing to me. So what is normal in that respect for me? Waking up and showering. The drive to work. (I'm not counting the work day since my work day/load can never really be predicted day-to-day) Monday and Thursday morning apprehension. Gumbo Wednesday. The drive home. Fucking around with the iPhone. Watching hockey ;) Heartache. Harassment. Hellacious.
I'm babbling.
I suppose I feel about as far away from the word normal as can be. I am the chaotic to lawful. I am the neutral to good or evil. I am the Bahamut to Tiamat. I am the natural 20 to the failed saving throw. I am the high-level, dual-classed Ranger/Magic-User - driven mad by the the howling gale of the Windswept Depths of Pandemomium - wandering through the shadow forest realm of the Queen of Air and Darkness and her Unseelie Court as I search in vain for the final piece of the Rod of Seven Parts. I am the fucking Wand of Wonder. (Those are some bomb-ass D&D references there - hope you appreciate them, Future Self).
'Bama just beat LSU for the national championship. Roll tide.
Friday, December 30, 2011
Fifteen Movies in Ten Days, Day 9
Sherlock Holmes*
Lucky # Slevin
Worked harder than I wanted to today. Went to Preston Art Center to pick up some canvases. Went to the bank to sign some paperwork. Went home and watched the rest of Inception. Went to mamaw's to celebrate her birfday. Came home and watched some random bowl games. Phone died (thankfully). Stayed up late watching Archer: Season 2.
Thursday, December 29, 2011
Fifteen Movies in Ten Days, Day 8
Archer: Season 2
Sherlock Holmes*
Lucky # Slevin
Watched Red and the first half of Inception tonight with mom.
Red was a silly movie, filled with a little action and a little humor. Mom liked it. I suppose I did. I just expected more from a cast that included Bruce Willis, Morgan Freeman, Helen Mirren, and John Malkovich. They had fun onscreen. So I suppose it wasn't supposed to be a serious movie. It was based from a DC comic, which I did not know (or maybe I did and just didn't bother remembering).
We started watching Inception immediately after. But we stopped midway through after mom admitted she was getting tired. Inception is simply not a movie you watch when tired - you will miss "it".
Two days left, 3 1/2 movies left to go.
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Fifteen Movies in Ten Days, Day 7
Archer: Season 2
Inception
Red*
Sherlock Holmes*
No movies watched. I worked. I hung with the boy. I watched the Cards lose. I stayed up too late playing GalCiv2.
I have decided that I do not want to watch Where the Wild Things Are. I'm moody enough as it is these days. I'm replacing it with Lucky # Slevin, an old favorite of mine.
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